Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Most of my people don't understand me.

Sometimes being yourself can be a very lonely place. I'm finding that while wrestling to find their own selves, people often inflect those thoughts and ideas onto those around them. I don't think it's a conscience decision to judge another, I think it's more the notion that it's okay to be yourself and have those thoughts and feelings if others around you think and feel the same.

So, what happens if they're not? What if they are growing in a totally different direction? If someone you meet is already very different, you either choose to keep your distance or to accept them as they are. But, what if someone you've grown close to changes? What if, for good or bad, their life starts taking different turns? We try to pull them back. We seem almost frightened at the idea of losing that bond and so, we continue to search for the common ground and tweak back the differences. We begin stating our case, making assumptions, transmitting our own feelings about consequences of those changes. This may not support the person in their growth, but may leave them feeling judged and drive in a wedge. Quite often we continue to love the person, but mourn the loss of the relationship as it was. But then again, maybe this role as an antagonist is all part of the lesson.

God has a journey for all of us. If we follow Him, He will lead us there. The hardest lessons come with the hardest experiences and trying to protect those we love by holding ourselves back is usually detrimental.

And I will follow...I will choose that path. Despite the intangibility of a physical presence, I know Jesus is there with me. I feel it in my very being. I may feel lonely at times, but I feel awesome, to become myself, accept myself, for what I am and also, for what I am not. I pray that I can love others equally, for what they are, and what they are not, for what they become, and what they do not. I feel more changes are on their way...and they are HUGE. I may not be ready, but I am being prepared, and I am willing...

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