Thoughts for the day:

1. Don't force His will. I am not in control.

2. Don't punish myself for my short comings. He will give me everything I need to fulfill His plan.

3. Don't boast on my gifts. He has given me every tool I have for His purpose.

4. Love myself. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

5. Love others. Jesus teaches this above all else.

6. Don't worry about whether or not I'm doing enough for Him. He will call me in His time.

7. Do not be concerned whether others approve of this philosophy. Jesus is my friend and my counsellor and will heal and fill my heart.

8. Relax, be at peace with who I am, who I was made to be and who I am becoming. Succumb to Him in all things, consult Him in all things and seek Him in all things. He is the answer.

Photograph: Feeling Blue

Most of my people don't understand me.

Sometimes being yourself can be a very lonely place. I'm finding that while wrestling to find their own selves, people often inflect those thoughts and ideas onto those around them. I don't think it's a conscience decision to judge another, I think it's more the notion that it's okay to be yourself and have those thoughts and feelings if others around you think and feel the same.

So, what happens if they're not? What if they are growing in a totally different direction? If someone you meet is already very different, you either choose to keep your distance or to accept them as they are. But, what if someone you've grown close to changes? What if, for good or bad, their life starts taking different turns? We try to pull them back. We seem almost frightened at the idea of losing that bond and so, we continue to search for the common ground and tweak back the differences. We begin stating our case, making assumptions, transmitting our own feelings about consequences of those changes. This may not support the person in their growth, but may leave them feeling judged and drive in a wedge. Quite often we continue to love the person, but mourn the loss of the relationship as it was. But then again, maybe this role as an antagonist is all part of the lesson.

God has a journey for all of us. If we follow Him, He will lead us there. The hardest lessons come with the hardest experiences and trying to protect those we love by holding ourselves back is usually detrimental.

And I will follow...I will choose that path. Despite the intangibility of a physical presence, I know Jesus is there with me. I feel it in my very being. I may feel lonely at times, but I feel awesome, to become myself, accept myself, for what I am and also, for what I am not. I pray that I can love others equally, for what they are, and what they are not, for what they become, and what they do not. I feel more changes are on their way...and they are HUGE. I may not be ready, but I am being prepared, and I am willing...

Flash and a Shell

So, I've had a Nikon SB26 for close to 15 years now, and received a snazzy new SB800 last Christmas. Both of these flash units have driven me crazy. I have been trying repeatedly to get them to work correctly, and also to give pleasing results, which I know they have a full capability of. After chatting with a friend (thanks Vince!), and my wonderful hubby, and doing some more research, I finally took the time, again, to work with these units today. A super simple subject on an even simpler background.

So, finally I get the units where they are exposing correctly, but my light quality and results are far less than blech:


After tweaking a few more settings, I'm finally getting a bit of drama:

An attempt at backlighting and now I'm getting some texture:


Throw in the second unit and my results are getting more desirable:


I think I'm finally starting to figure out how to work these things. My technique definitely needs some finessing, but I am at least hopeful!

Now that I've figured some of the technical stuff, I can finally play a bit. Get out the gels!


Next on my list is to try and get some good portraits out of them, but I'm thinking I still need a lot of work. Regardless, my subjects are definitely worth it!